Staying at the table is not always easy. But instead of pointing fingers or feeling guilty because we know that more times than not, we have missed the mark on becoming people of love and grace, let us invite the parable to do what parables do best… to reframe our narrative, to open our eyes to the Kingdom of God in our midst, to broaden our perspective and gain wisdom as followers of Jesus Christ.
October 19, 2025
The Welcome Table
“Stay at the Table: Forgiveness”
Matthew 18: 21-35
Rev. Dr. Heather W. McColl
Matthew 18: 21-35
Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Should I forgive as many as seven times?” Jesus said, “Not just seven times, but rather as many as seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle accounts, they brought to him a servant who owed him ten thousand bags of gold. Because the servant didn’t have enough to pay it back, the master ordered that he should be sold, along with his wife and children and everything he had, and that the proceeds should be used as payment. But the servant fell down, kneeled before him, and said, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I’ll pay you back.’ The master had compassion on that servant, released him, and forgave the loan.
“When that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him one hundred coins. He grabbed him around the throat and said, ‘Pay me back what you owe me.’ “Then his fellow servant fell down and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I’ll pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he threw him into prison until he paid back his debt. “When his fellow servants saw what happened, they were deeply offended. They came and told their master all that happened. His master called the first servant and said, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you appealed to me. Shouldn’t you also have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ His master was furious and handed him over to the guard responsible for punishing prisoners, until he had paid the whole debt. “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you if you don’t forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Stay at the Table: Forgiveness Mat 18:21-35
We continue our conversation about staying at the Table with the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. It is one of the lesser-known parables. In the Gospel of Matthew, this parable follows the conversation which Jesus has with his disciples about restoring relationships with fellow believers, telling them that yes, they can walk away but only after they have tried everything to reconcile and restore the relationship. He reminds the disciples that whenever two or three are gathered, Jesus is there among them. This promise of Jesus’ presence is what comes before THE question…the question we have all asked ourselves…How many times do we extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us, to those who have broken our trust, to those who have damaged the relationship?
Now let me stop right there and remind us that one of the key factors of the Gospel message is that it reminds us that God is God and we are not. Again, I go back to what came before the question…which is the promise of Jesus’ presence with us in all things, through all things and for all things. It is this promise of Jesus’ presence which gives us the courage, gives us the strength, and yes gives us the wisdom to engage in difficult and uncomfortable conversations while we answer our call to stay at the Table. It is this promise of Jesus’ presence which invites us to open our hearts, open our minds, open our eyes to God’s word for the People of God. It is the promise of Jesus’ presence which creates the atmosphere that enables us to stay at the Table so that we can dialog, so that we can have uncomfortable conversations, so that we can open our ears, so that we can open our eyes to the Spirit of God in our midst which binds us together as one.
For me, this promise of Jesus’ presence wherever two or three are gathered, this reminder that God is God and we are not, this transforming, life giving, this empowering viewpoint which is grounded in God’s Beloved Community is where we start, is what we cultivate, is what we pray for and hold to in any conversation that we have about forgiveness. It is this viewpoint, this promise, this reminder which is the lens through which we engage this parable.
Because if we do not have that, if we do not start the conversation there, all we really have within our sacred text is a story, a parable telling us something we already know to be true, telling us what we have already experienced in the world around us…that one who was forgiven much was not and is not able to forgive a little.
But we know because we have the promise of Jesus’ presence, we know because we have the reminder that God is God and we are not, we know because we have the courage to cultivate and live in the vision of God’s Shalom coming to fruition here on Earth for all of God’s people, that instead of pointing fingers or feeling guilty because we have missed the mark on becoming people of love and grace, we know that we have the courage and the strength to invite this parable to do what parables do best… to reframe our narrative, to open our eyes to the Kingdom of God in our midst, to broaden our perspective and gain wisdom as followers of Jesus Christ. This morning, we are inviting this parable to share God’s wisdom so that our eyes will see, so that our ears will hear, so that we can continue becoming the people of love and grace God calls us to be.
When we do that, we realize that the parable is inviting us to think about what is keeping us from offering compassion and mercy to others when we have received them in our lives over and over again. This parable is giving us something to think about, something on which to meditate. It is giving us a glimpse into God’s Beloved Community.
You see, this parable is inviting us to focus not on our own capacity to forgive but rather on God’s endless capacity of mercy and grace. It is only because of God’s compassion and abundant mercy that forgiveness is even possible. I’m going to say that again…It is only because of God’s compassion and mercy that forgiveness is even possible. Let that sink into our bodies. Let that sink into our bones. Let that take root into our hearts. Feel that weight lifted? That feeling is God’s grace in our lives… the joy, the humility, the love all wrapped up together. That’s the Good News
AND this parable also reminds us that there cannot be forgiveness without accountability. Or as someone way smarter than me said, “While forgiveness can be called for, it cannot be forced.” Relationships are complicated. They are messy. And yes, they get broken seemingly beyond repair. And more often than not, we just don’t know if we have it in us to forgive. The Good News of God’s grace does not negate the truth or feelings behind any of this either.
Or let me say it this way…I can, we can google stories about forgiveness, and we would get thousands and thousands of results. All amazing stories. All stories which tell us how that particular person found the strength to forgive. That’s great. I’m not downplaying any of those stories in any sort of way because they are amazing. They give us hope. They let us know that there is kindness in the world. They remind us that love and light will overcome. These types of stories give us reasons to do the hard work of becoming the people of love and grace God created us to be.
But those stories are out there. They are happening to people I will, we will never meet, to people we will never know. Sure, I can and am inspired by those stories but what I’ve learned is that for my spiritual growth, I must go through the process myself. I need to practice what I preach. Maybe it’s because I’m stubborn. Maybe it’s because I’m hardheaded. Or maybe it is that I know, if I experience it, if I practice it, it becomes real to me, real for me. I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers but what I do know is that oftentimes for my sanity, my boundaries, to honor my decision on where to place my energy, I have discovered that forgiveness is really not about the other person. It is about me…that I have a choice…that I can stay consumed by anger and hurt, allowing that person to have power over me, allowing myself to stay in a cycle of hurt and bitterness OR I can release it. I can take back my narrative of life. I can take back my narrative of hope. I can take back my joy and light.
Now again, please don’t hear me say that this choice for release happens overnight. It doesn’t. It takes time. Sometimes it takes going to a therapist who will walk us through the pain and hurt. Sometimes it takes us writing down the hurt and pain and then practicing the ritual of burning those scraps of paper. Sometimes it takes all of the above.
All I am saying is that as followers of Jesus Christ, we can hold all of this, knowing that staying at the Table is complicated, that forgiveness is complicated, that being in community with one another is complicated. And in the midst of all that complication or maybe because of all that complication, we are called to remember God is in the process, to remember God is God and we are not, to remember the promise of Jesus’ presence in all things, through all things. What I am saying is that as followers of Jesus Christ, we can hold all of this and STILL find the courage and strength to stay at the Table while holding to the vision of God’s Beloved Community, community which is shaped by hope, possibility, the promise of new life and the gift of God’s grace. Because we know in the midst of all those complications, God is here, God is with us, and that love and light will always overcome, not because of who we are but because of who our God is. May it be so. Amen.
See also: Theology Tuesday for Sunday, October 19, 2025 – Stay at the Table: Forgiveness Matthew 18: 21-35.
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