Imagine what would happen, what could happen if we embraced the wisdom of Proverbs; if we lived out the understanding that hot tempers start fights, and a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace; if conversations were more about listening than having the last word; if we gave ourselves and others permission and grace to be human in the midst of difficult conversations, all in the hopes of it leading to understanding.
July 5, 2026
Hope in Bloom: Practicing Spiritual Gardening
Part 8: “Gentleness as De-escalation”
Proverbs 15:1-4, 7, 12, 14, 18
Rev. Dr. Heather W. McColl
Proverbs 15:1-4, 7, 12, 14, 18
A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.
Knowledge flows like spring water from the wise; fools are leaky faucets, dripping nonsense.
God doesn’t miss a thing- God’s alert to good and evil alike.
Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.
Perceptive words spread knowledge; fools are hollow—there’s nothing to them.
Know-it-alls don’t like being told what to do; they avoid the company of wise men and women.
An intelligent person is always eager to take in more truth; fools feed on fast-food fads and fancies.
Hot tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace.
Gentleness as De-escalation Proverbs 15:1-4, 7, 12, 14, 18
I fully admit that there are probably more appropriate texts in regard to gentleness. Philippians 4 comes to mind where Paul says, “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” Or even in Matthew when Jesus says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. We read these verses and immediately know that as ones who follow Jesus Christ, we are called to practice an attitude of gentleness, to extend grace to one and all through our interactions. Yes, I fully admit that there are probably more appropriate texts when it comes to our conversation about gentleness. In fact, the one we read this morning doesn’t specifically address gentleness. Sure, it says a gentle tongue is a tree of life, but it doesn’t have the same umph as the previous verses I mentioned…or so we would assume. At first glance it would be easy to dismiss these words from Proverbs but they actually address something really important in regard to gentleness as de-escalation. As people of faith, they expand our understanding of gentleness as de-escalation, calling us to interrupt cycles of conflict, to make space for truth, healing, and reconciliation through our actions and our words. They call us to pay attention to how we speak to one another, not only as people of faith but as fellow human beings as well. This wisdom from Proverbs invites us to think about how the way we speak to one another can either fuel conflict or create the possibility for transformation. Which is why it truly is the perfect text for our conversation about gentleness as de-escalation. And dare I say, a needed conversation because of the harmful and hateful rhetoric which seems to be everywhere….the biggest being on social media. In this space, which is like the Wild West in many ways, people are allowed, even encouraged to post things anonymously and wow! The vitriol which fills the pages never ceases to break my heart.
Yet into this world which often rewards the loudest voice, the sharpest comeback, and the quickest retaliation, the wisdom of Proverbs comes to us and calls us to be mindful of how we speak to one another, and not just how we speak to friends and family although that is important. It calls us to be mindful of how we speak to one another in all things, through all things and to all people.
Now please don’t hear me say that I have never spoken in anger to people. I have and yes, instantly regretted it once my emotions calmed and focused. I’m sure all of us have had similar experiences. I’m human. We all are. But, what the wisdom of Proverbs reminds us of something we often forget…that despite what we often said in childhood, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words do hurt. This wisdom from Proverbs is reminding us that words matter. Words have power. Words stay with us. Good and bad…positive and negative…and I’ll be the first one to admit that it seems the negative ones stay with us longer, creating a narrative about our shortcomings which plays on loop in our mind, tricking us into believing a harmful and false narrative about who we are. And the more we listen to this negative narrative which had its start in maybe a passing comment from someone, the more we listen to it, the more we spiral, causing more hurt and damage. We just have to look around to know this is true because we see it all the time. We see hurt people, hurting people, continuing a vicious cycle generation after generation. Words matter. How we speak to one another matters.
It also needs to be said…gentleness in de-escalation is not passivity. Just think of the Civil Rights Movement and the non-violent protests. Martin Luther King stirred hearts, opened minds, brought about change through his words. None of which called for death and destruction. And in no way did they tell people to sit and take the abuse, to ignore the oppression, to stay in line and avoid conflict at all cost. His words, along with so many others offered by leaders of the non-violent protest movement, held a world accountable to its promises while expanding the vision of what is possible. They showed us that gentleness is not just about speaking softly. It is also about speaking wisely. Their words reminded us that people rarely learn when they feel attacked, that when people feel heard, feel seen, feel safe and a connection is made, hearts become teachable. Their words which embodied gentleness as de-escalation showed us that we can disagree without destroying, that we can challenge and hold others accountable without dehumanizing, that we can have uncomfortable conversations about the realities of our world and still be in community with one another.
All of this is part of our understanding in regard to gentleness as de-escalation. All of this is part of our conversation in making space for healing and wholeness. All of this is part of thinking about how we speak to one another because as ones who claim Jesus as our Lord and Savior, who have ears to hear the wisdom found in the Book of Proverbs, we know that we are called to a different way to be in relationship with one another, meaning that we hold to the vision of God’s Beloved Community which tells us that relationships can heal, that communities can reconcile, that enemies can become neighbors, that justice and compassion can coexist. Because that is exactly what Jesus modeled for us in everything he taught and preached. He answered hostility with wisdom. He met fear with compassion. He refused to mirror the violence directed toward him. And in doing so, he confronted systems of injustice while also consistently restoring people rather than humiliating them.
I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers, nor will I pretend that practicing gentleness as de-escalation is something we can implement quickly or see changes overnight. It is a process of unlearning habits, and patterns. It is about practicing the pause when we feel something triggering our emotions in anger. It is about asking different questions, questions like How can I be changed by this conversation. It is about framing our conversations which seek understanding and connection rather than trying to win arguments.
I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers when it comes to gentleness as de-escalation so what I will do is invite us to imagine…imagine what would happen, what could happen if we embraced the wisdom of Proverbs, if we lived out the understanding that hot tempers start fights; and a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace. Imagine what would happen, what could happen if conversations were more about listening rather than having the last word, what could happen, what would happen if we gave ourselves permission, if we gave each others permission and grace to be human in the midst of difficult conversations, all in the hopes of it leading to understanding. Imagine what could happen, what would happen if gentleness in mind, body, spirit, and speech shaped our interactions with one another, knowing that kind words heal and help; and cutting words wound and maim.
No, I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers. I’m simply going to offer this sermon as a prayer today. It is my prayer that we practice what we preach; that we remember that kind words heal and help; and cutting word s wound and maim. It’s my prayer that we practice gentleness as de-escalation and invite the spirit of God to be part of the process, And that we remember hot tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace. May it be so. Amen.
See also: Theology Tuesday for Sunday, July 5, 2026 – Gentleness as De-escalation Proverbs 15:1-4, 7, 12, 14, 18.
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